I know that, according to the experts, the key to a successful blog is regular posting. But...life can get in the way.
Tonight I'm having a cocktail and toasting the end of teaching for 2012. I still have a stack of grading waiting for me, but classes are over! And I survived.
I didn't just survive my first term back in the classroom after maternity leave, I survived my first term back in the classroom after maternity leave while also dealing with the most severe flare up of my Crohn's disease since 2006. Yup--I deserve a drink.
I've been lucky enough to have been pretty healthy for the last 3 years. Healthy enough to go off the meds that could harm a fetus, spend 9 months trying to get pregnant, 9 months pregnant (well, 7 and a half months), and 15 months at home with my babe. Then I went back to work and it all went to shit--literally. It's hard not to look for a correlation there...
I quickly identified my priorities this Fall, and I was a little surprised at the extent to which work wasn't anywhere near the top of the list. I was actually looking forward to going back to work in September. I was ready to get back in the classroom, and was excited to start my first term as Chair of my department. By the end of August the signs were there that my health was going to be an issue, and by the end of September I was already treading water at work and in life, but--true to my M.O.--I was in full denial. By the end of October I was barely functioning and denial was no longer an option. Instead I got a little perspective.
So as I prepare to spend the next 2 weeks finally catching up on all the marking that's been pushed to the back burner, I'm not sorry that I spent what energy I had in the last 3 months on my family. I'm not sorry that I spent my weekends enjoying late breakfasts and getting nothing accomplished. I'm not sorry that I spent my healthy moments laughing with my husband and son rather than chained to my laptop and all the student papers I should have been grading.
The moral of my story? I may not be capable of balancing life and work, and I'm okay with that. I will work to support my life, but at the end of the day, life is where real happiness lies.
